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Death doesn’t play fair. It never has and it never will. It creeps up on us and only leaves pain, sorrow, and loss in its wake.
Yesterday, my sister lost a friend. Our friends lost a son, a brother, and an uncle. The grief they are feeling right now is beyond my comprehension. My heart aches for them and tears rise up unbidden. I know God is here, amidst all this pain, but it is so hard to trust his will when people I care about are overcome with such agonizing loss.
Questions can’t help but be asked. Why did this happen? Weren’t we praying hard enough? How is it possible? How do we keep breathing when he no longer is, at least not here with us? Will this pain ever go away? How can one feel so much and so little at the same time? How do I keep trusting in you Lord? How??
He was too young. He had so much life left to live. He was fighting so hard. He has so many in his life who still need him. How can his vibrancy and passion be gone from this world? We weren’t ready, God. It’s not fair. It’s just not.
I don’t understand why some people receive the miracle they are praying for and some don’t. At least, not in the way they were hoping. We were praying for his healing, but we wanted him to live so many more years here with us, on this earth. God’s plans were different. And I can’t begin to understand why. I can only pray and continue to trust, even if it seems difficult right now. And I know there is good that will come out of this. That his life mattered and will continue to matter and touch the lives of those left behind. He had such an amazing heart and cared deeply for all the people in his life. Someone like that can’t help but touch the lives of his family and friends.
Jason, you will be greatly missed and always remembered. I wish we could see you dancing in heaven right now, but the knowledge that you are there, that you are healed, that we will see you again, has to be enough.
Lord, you say joy comes in the morning. We must believe this. In the meantime, as we wait for the sun to rise, we must keep breathing.
Lately, we’ve been blessed with some warm weather and sunshine. A rare occurrence, but embraced with arms wide open.
With the bright glow of the sun, several things happen in our city. First, even though the temperture may still read 50 degrees, you can’t help but see teenage and college girls alike strolling around in shorts and tank tops, with not a jacket in site. Flip flops, sun dresses, barefeet, and short sleeves abound. It’s wonderful to get outside and soak up the much needed vitamin D, but really? It’s not summer yet! If it’s still below freezing when you wake up, I just don’t think it’s time for summer clothes to break out. Unless paired with lots and lots of layers to combat the frigid air.
Anyway…
Another thing that happens is Seattle driving drastically decreases. Not that Seattlelites ever claim to be good drivers. In fact, we only really like driving when it’s partially cloudy out, with maybe a very light, almost unnoticeable drizzle dusting our windshields just enough that our wipers need to be set on the lowest level. However, when the sun comes out we are so shocked it sends many drivers crashing into either eachother, guardrails, ditches, or various other obstacles. This makes for a messy commute. If we aren’t getting in accidents, then we are most likely being blinded by the bright orb beaming into our eyes, making driving secondary and the survival of our eyesight our main concern. Visors are quickly folded down and sunglasses are thrust haphazardly on our faces to cover up the gleaming sun. We hunch down in our seats or stretch as high as possible to avoid the suns rays as we cruise down the highway directly towards it’s bright light. Anything that helps us survive to our next exit or turn is welcome. Obviously, this causes accidents too because it’s impossible to be fully aware of the road when we are so concious on avoiding the light, consequently shrinking our windsheild’s size down to a 2-inch by (insert width of car here) area.
However, despite our inability to drive and our unreasonable attire, we love glimpses of spring. It lets us know that winter doesn’t last forever. That the darkness that has engulfed us for months will soon be shattered by sunbreaks and partially cloudy days. That our mountain will come out of hiding and show off his dominant glory once again. Light replaces dark…so fitting of our spiritual lives as well.
Of course, Ryan and I had to seize the sunny days too. :)
Note: These pictures make it look like it’s still gray here, but our excuse is that it’s a new camera…and we’re still figuring things out!
I’m back and I will try to be more reliable in the future, especially now that life has calmed down a bit – I mean what was I thinking?? Buying a condo and planning a wedding all within 5 months? Crazy!!! But it’s done and everything went off better than I could have possibly imagined! So…that means I’m going to try and post more regularly. At least a little more often than I have in the past, which is like months apart, so it shouldn’t be hard, right? Right…
I’ve decided since it’s been ages since my last post, I should give a brief recap of the last few months.
November
The wedding planning process stalled out – I had the venue, caterer, florist, photographer, and pretty much all the other big details handled, so it was nice to take a break and enjoy the holidays with my family. Thanksgiving was really mellow, with Ryan and I spending the day separately, each with our own family. My Thanksgiving traditionally starts off with Laura and I frantically racing each other to tear bread for the stuffing – we never actually know who wins, its more about who can beat the other in tearing the final piece of dried bread. That makes up my stint in the kitchen – then it’s off to the basement to play pool or foosball and watch some football with my dad. The football watching doesn’t last too long, as I tend to get bored (I prefer the real game of football, you know…soccer).
December
One word: SNOW! Lots and lots of snow. Felt like I was confined to the house for months!
Okay, technically December started with tree hunting – our family tradition. It was freezing and pouring. Sadly, Laura & I didn’t find our tree as fast as we have in the past, but we finally settled on this beauty:
Laura wanted this tree with the top that resembles Carrot Top’s hair, but we chose a much smaller, less invasive tree isntead.
Next came decorating…both at home and our parents:
Then I had my first wedding shower, hosted by Ruth and Debi – they did an amazing job!
And then…came the snow. It started off being exciting, but quickly became old to us Seattlelites. The snow actually began the day of my shower. Fortunately it held off untit everyone was making their way home for the night. I was stranded at my parents, so I made good use of my camera:
Then came Christmas to finish December off!
By this point, our cars were buried by the snow and we had to dig them out:
I was able to move my car (blue honda civic) just seconds before the snow on the roof (pictured above) came crashing down on it. I literally backed it up just enough to be missed and as I put my car in park and opened the driver’s door, that snow slipped violently to the ground. It was like something straight out of a movie – but without the car actually getting crushed. And so ended December.
January
We were getting nearer and nearer to “D-day”, so this month was filled with dress fittings, final plannings/meetings, filling of candy jars, printing of programs, and any other various wedding tasks that arose. Oh, did I mention there was massive flooding going on in Snohomish and surrounding cities? Yeah, turns out all the snowfall decided it would melt and turn our valleys into lakes. And did I mention that my wedding venue was in Snohomish? Yeah, this was a definite concern!!
February
Five months of peparations came down to this:
It was an amazing night that went way too fast; filled with family, friends, good food, delicious cake, and lots of dancing. Does it get better than that??
Family/Neighborhood Apple Press. Also, my flower girl – isn’t she cute!?
Beehive on my parent’s property
Enjoy! Courtesy of my cousin Max – he did an amazing job! He’s also taking the wedding photos. 
Sorry for the long delay, but I was waiting on others and you know how that can be!
But I finally have a few of the pictures, although Ryan’s sister does have the collection of better night shots.
Hopefully this will do until I get those from her – she’s currently away at school, so it’s a little difficult!
She also has an upclose shot of the ring – but I can take one & put it on too. 
2008 has been a flurry of activity for me…basically I hit the ground running at a fast jog and have now sped up to a full out sprint. Can hardly catch my breath…
Lots of changes, but like I have always said, “change is good.” Change allows for growth, so I am going to embrace it fully. And possibly with a few tears.
Since the new year, I have purchased a much-needed new car, signed a lease, moved out of my Kirkland home & into a duplex in Wallingford, and am the Maid of Honor for my friend whose wedding is fast approaching…March 30th!! So I have to plan & help with that, along with packing/unpacking, cleaning, and painting a new place. Not to mention the amount of money I need to spend this month! New car = car payments…something I haven’t had to do ever, higher insurance (because now I actually need collision coverage), and of course bills.
I always dreamed of being in a wedding when I was younger. Pretty much since I could walk without falling down. My nana had a very lacey, white apron that I would always wear tied around my head with nana’s clip-clop shoes on my tiny feet. I felt like a princess and loved every minute of it. That was before my tom-boy days, obviously.
However, now that fantasy has been shattered by the reality of the cost of being someone’s bridesmaid. I have to actually pay for a dress? shoes? hair? makeovers? What??? I never heard any of this? Oh, and I’m maid of honor, so that means bachelorette party = up to me. And I get to help with/throw the bridal shower! Not to mention gifts…gifts for the shower(s), gifts for the bachelorette party, gifts for the wedding. $$$$ is all my eyes see.
Okay, that’s not totally true, but being in the wedding party is costly. Even when trying to keep it cheap. Not that I’m really complaining. I’m super excited for my friend and looking forward to the opportunity to dress up and just be girly, while enjoying her last few weeks of “singledom”.
Of course, now I get to experience all the questions from family, friends, and strangers of “So…when are you getting your ring?” “Sounds like things are pretty serious…any plans for the future yet?” and the all familiar “You’re next!” Always said with a finger waving and large smile plastered on the speaker’s face.
I can’t wait.
I am a Seattleite…born and raised. I know the city well; the streets, the parks, the choice places to eat, picnic, boat, swim, or play sports. However, I will never even begin to understand the inner workings of the weather system in my glorious PNW. It is simply unpredictable.
On Sunday, the sun was shining brightly in the clear azure sky and it was a balmy 50 degrees. It was wonderful being outside and absorbing some much needed Vitamin D. I had almost forgotten what sunshine felt like on my skin. I spent the morning playing soccer and was running around in my shorts and T-shirt. It was simply that warm.
Yesterday was so dramatically different I wondered if I hadn’t been mistakenly transported to Alaska overnight. It was about 35 degrees and on my drive home it went from a torrential downpour on Lake Union to snow/rain mix at Montlake and finally snow in Bellevue. It was insane. By 7pm there was a light dusting of snow on the ground and it was still falling steadily. I went for a stroll to the nearest coffee shop with my sisters (Starbucks of course…which I hate…I know, raised in Seattle & hating Starbucks) and then tucked myself under a blanket with my hot cocoa steaming in one hand and a log crackling on the fire. Pure bliss.
Overnight the snow became ice, with treacherous black ice hiding itself on sharp curves and off-ramps. I exited my car at work and almost crashed to the cement because it was so slick.
Now, the sun is shining brightly once more and the remnants of last night’s blizzard/ice storm are fading away. Soon, Seattle will be back to its normal gray and sloppy self. Oh the joy of living in the convergence zone
I received the following song in an email from my mom today and thought I’d share. The song is amazing. The message…even more so. Enjoy! I know I did.
Apparently Diamond Rio put this song on their Greatest Hits CD, but since I don’t have it, the song was new to me.
Disclaimer: If you don’t like country, I apologize. But please give this song a listen anyway.
Copy this to your browser www.windomnet.com/web/nls/InGodWeStillTrust.wmv
- That is probably my favorite song in the Sound of Music. Closely followed by Lizel singing “I am sixteen going on seventeen”. I think I liked that song so much when I was younger because she had on a gorgeous, flowing, gauzy dress. And I wanted one just like it. And I wanted to sing and dance in a gazebo. In the rain. To a hot guy. Who in actuality, wasn’t that hot. But I was 8. And to me, it was incredibly romantic.
- Rain. I love walking in it. Running in it. Dancing in it. Falling asleep to it pattering on the rooftops, plip-plopping on the leaves of the surrounding bushes and trees, and splish-splashing into the puddles. Not to mention, I love stomping through the puddles. Yes, even at 24 years old. However, I don’t like being freezing cold & wet because of the rain. But playing soccer on a grass field while the rain comes pouring down…I just don’t know if there is anything better. Except maybe the bubble bath I take afterwards to warm up.
- Fall days in Seattle. The air is crisp and clear. The leaves are brilliantly colored in deep crimsons, vibrant oranges, and glowing yellows. I get radiantly happy everytime I crush a fallen leaf with the heel of my boot or toe of my Jack Purcell. The crunching sound of the leaf hitting my shoe, letting out it’s last final cry of pain, brings me unexplainable pleasure.
- The smell & sound of old books. The musty scent as I turn each aged and fraying page. The crinkling sound the spine of the book makes as I bend it back and forth. Such a small pleasure, yet leaves me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Even better is when I curl up in an oversized armchair with said book in a cozy, quaint bookstore and read. For hours. With hot cocoa or cider. I’m not a coffee girl. Never have been and I don’t see it ever happening in the forseeable future, but I love my warm, coffee-free, beverages.
- The elderly. I have such a soft spot for them, which is good because I feel like they are often overlooked by today’s society, which glorifies the young and selfish and forgets about the old and wizened. I have a secret longing to play a game of chess in the park with an old man…hopefully he’ll be wearing knickers and suspenders. Or just one of the two. And preferably this park will be in Germany. I think I got this idea from the Pixar short where the old man is playing a game of chess against himself. Hopefully one day this dream will be realized.
- Rocking out in the car to Backstreet Boys or Phantom Planet with my younger sister. Belting out the lyrics off key, in various accents (country, russian, valley-girl, deep shouting voices). We’re pretty incredible and will think about recording that album someday.
- Watching the fire in my fireplace as the flames swirl and leap in the air. This could entertain me for hours on end. And sometimes it does. Especially fun to watch on a cold, rainy evening while cuddled up in a warm, fuzzy blanket.
